Taking Your Dog's Picture Where BOTH of You Don't Belong*:
Step 1: Prep yourself before going. Find out the lay of the land. Dress casually, but not too casually. Running shoes are probably a good idea. Ya know, just in case. Bring a small note book or clipboard
Step 2: Look really expert at whatever you are doing. Stand erect, look at people that drive by as if THEY shouldn't be there. If you have some sort of badge, wear it. It will make you look more official.
Step 3: Dress your dog in stealth mode. I always take off Lola's fancy collar and put on a plain black one. If your dog has a ninja costume, that may come in handy.
In case you get caught:
Near a building: When someone is walking up, tell your dog to "Search" in an authoritative voice. When the dog stares at you blankly, nod your head and say "I do agree Watson, that building is
affected with deadly black mold, Good detection" Then write something down in your notebook
and look official again. If you have glasses, now is a good time to look over them officially.Take
pictures of the building and mutter about accounting being unhappy with the price to fix.
Not near a building: Pretend that you have never seen the dog. Take lots of landscape photos. To
be really convincing you may have to tell the dog to shoo. This will cause the person questioning your
right to be there think that the dog is a stray, and you are but an innocent landscape photographer,
hired by the government no less (this is where the badge comes in, feel free to brandish the badge at
the dog, while exclaiming that your are a government official.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I do it. Week 33 went something like this
*these instructions are by no means meant to keep you out of jail. If you do end up in jail, the author is not responsible for your bail.
It is my civic duty to tell you that this is utterly morally reprehensible ... and to do disapproving mouth noises and finger motions ... because you just won't get the point without them and they're fun. Now that that's taken care of ... that was a post of epic hilarity wrapped around a grain of possible usefulness coated with danger. I imagine the danger tastes like chocolate with chile.
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